Broccoli, cabbage, okra, and kale,

I’d rather be thrown into jail.

Turnip, spinach, onion, and leeks,

I could go hungry for weeks!

Parsnip, ginger, pumpkin, and chard,

I think I’ll go clean up the yard.

Carrots, sprouts, zucchini, and peas,

Dear God, I’m down on my knees!

Mushroom, celery, eggplant, and beets,

I’ve decided to live on the streets.

Garlic, fennel, radish, and chives,

I’d rather be boiled alive.

What’s that? You’re putting it all in a smoothie?

Okay.

*Illustration by Gabe Ostley